Baby Brain

  I hate being told that I can't do something. Whether it's from my parents, friends, my husband, myself....I can't stand being told I can't do something.


   Which is why it sucked being told in therapy today that having Baby #2 will have to wait at least a year.


   That's right, a year. I went in for therapy today after an unintentional 3-week hiatus and told my therapist that I was having baby brain already, even with all my problems. She looked at me and smiled - and I knew that smile, the one that meant something I didn't like was coming - and told me gently it was probably not a good idea to do it now. She said with the medication I'm on, there's an 85% chance of relapse coming off of it. On top of that I was so severe when I started seeing her that I will also definitely have to go in for regular therapy the entire time I'm pregnant since I will need all the extra help I can get so I don't go back to how I was. She also suggested that we time the pregnancy around my husband not being deployed and me being on my own and having me be with my mother if he is away.


   She also admitted to me that they (herself and the doctor I see for my medication checks) went out on a limb for me. I was having some pretty dark thoughts and actions for a while there which resulted in a pretty shaky doctor's visit where I was told if my baby was in danger they would have to file a report. I held back my sobs on that visit purely by luck. My therapist told me if I had been in any other clinic in town, a report would have already been filed and I probably wouldn't have been able to be alone with my daughter as a result. She said this clinic would rather work with people - she gave me an example of another clinic that hospitalizes about 400 people a month compared to the 2 that mine might. 400?! I was floored.


   But I am also very appreciative. She let me know that they were worried about me for a while but kept a close eye on me and with my husband coming in pretty regularly during that time and being so adamant that nothing would happen and also taking so much time off of work so he could be with us, they decided to trust me. I will never be able to thank them enough for that trust and for what they have done for me so far and continue to do.